'bout time

Have you ever cried because of the beauty of nature, or because of a moment that feels so perfect? Tears of joy, happy tears.

Yesterday was a beautiful day in KC. It was sunny, in the 70's and breezy. I had the afternoon off to go to the dentist, so I got to enjoy a little more of the day than I normally do when I am trapped inside at work. The weather people were warning us that the temps would be dropping drastically overnight and that it would be rainy and possibly snowy/icy today (they were right), so knowing that this might be the last nice day that we'll have for awhile made me savor the warmth and the ability/freedom to enjoy it all the more.

As I walked outside with no coat on (in late November!), the warm breeze hit my skin and I witnessed one of the most gorgeous sunsets I have ever seen. It literally brought me to tears...right there in the parking lot of Kohl's in Belton, Missouri.

The picture above is the closest I could find to what it looked like...we don't have hills like that here. I wish I could've captured it on film myself, but I only had my cell phone with me and the one I tried to take just didn't do it justice. As the sun got lower, it got bigger and more orange...absolutely breathtaking.

I have always been one to appreciate sunsets, sunrises, stars, flowers, trees, the moon, rivers, oceans, lakes, clouds, thunderstorms, grass, anything to do with nature and being outside...but there are times now that things strike me as so overwhelmingly perfect and beautiful. Everything has been magnified and simplified for me. I really wish that people (myself included) would focus on the positive things in life instead of all of the negative in this world.

Here's an excerpt along those lines from the book I am currently reading (Can't Wait to Get to Heaven):

"It's kind of funny, really, all these years, everybody has been so busy trying to figure what life was all about, and all the while, it was just something for us to enjoy. Life is not nearly as complicated as people think. It's kind of simple, really. Life is like one big roller coaster ride, with all kinds of bumps and twists and turns, and ups and downs along the way. All we have to do is just sit back and enjoy it. The problem is most people think they are steering and get so busy trying to control it that they miss all the fun parts."

~*~

I am finally beginning to feel a bit better. There comes a point each cycle where I feel like the old me makes a brief return. My energy comes back, my brain isn't as fuzzy, I don't feel as sick and/or tired, my appetite and taste buds are more like normal. It's kinda like when you've been sick with the flu and you finally start to feel better, or when you've had a fever and it finally breaks.

Lately the bad stuff's been hitting sooner, harder, and lasting longer. The chemo drugs do have a cumulative effect, so that's what's up with that. So far though, my counts have still been doing what they're supposed to do as far as crashing when they should and climbing back up when they should...so, that is what really matters.

This coming Friday I have a routine CT scan (I have these every third cycle) to check on how things are looking from the inside.

~*~

Not a lot has been a happening in my world, just a lot of sleeping without ever feeling truly rested. I have slowly but surely been decorating my house for Christmas. What I would normally do in a few hours of one day I've been doing over the course of a week. I should have it finished by New Years.

~*~

I had to go to the dentist yesterday because I was having pain in one of my teeth and the gum area near it that just wouldn't go away. I needed a check-up/cleaning anyway, but I'd been putting that off because of all of the other appointments I have to go to these days combined with the fact that the chemo drugs make me bleed very easily.

Luckily it's nothing major (still no cavities), just some sort of periodontal abscess that is easily treated with a special rinse they gave me. It was most likely brought on by the chemo and having no immune system to fight off infection last week. So, hopefully that's all taken care of and won't have to go back until my next check-up/cleaning in 6 months.

~*~

They let us off of work early today because it's sleeting and freezing up out there. What a difference a day can make!

I am so not a winter person, but even in this nastiness today I was smiling and happy, because I am alive and I feel good enough to enjoy the raindrops on my skin, crisp cool air in my lungs, the smell & sound of ice and snow, the trees covered in a layer of sparkly ice. Being able to drive myself around in my nice warm car (with 3-speed intermittent windshield wipers!), and now I am home safe in my cozy warm house with the candles lit.

Life, at the moment, is good. Happy tears again.