Along the way, I came to realize that I am searching for dignity.When I can stand, I try to stand gracefully.
When I have to sit, I try to sit proudly.
When forced to crawl, I try to crawl with dignity.
It has become very important to me to present myself to the world as my authentic self.
This is who I really am, and this is how I wish to be remembered.
I have received a great deal of help in my venture.
World, please help me maintain my dignity.
When I have to sit, I try to sit proudly.
When forced to crawl, I try to crawl with dignity.
It has become very important to me to present myself to the world as my authentic self.
This is who I really am, and this is how I wish to be remembered.
I have received a great deal of help in my venture.
World, please help me maintain my dignity.
Another chemo down, all went well. Dad was with me and as usual it was great to have him and his quiet strength by my side. I chatted with a few of my chemo friends, and I got to see Suzanne and Nelda (my clinical trial girls), which is always a bright spot. A lot of the nurses were leaving for Bill's funeral service. It was odd not seeing him there, we all discussed it at some point...it was healing in a way.
We talked about lowering my dosage due to their thinking that my recent illness might have been brought on by the chemo (neutropenic fever). I told them, no, I think I just caught the same bug that everyone else in the world seems to have. Same symptoms, same recovery duration. There are sick people everywhere...I see them, I hear then coughing, sneezing, blowing their noses. I try to avoid them, but sometimes that's just impossible. I can't quarantine myself for a week, I have to go to work, they have to go to work, I have to have a life. I try to avoid sick people as much as I can, but that's impossible too...especially in the winter. Especially at work where we're all trapped for hours on end breathing the same recirculated sick air, touching the same door handles, copy machines, papers, etc.
It was just bad timing that it hit when it did, but it makes perfect sense that it would hit when my immune system was down to nothing. This is exactly what they warn you about though...the fact that something that is just a normal illness for others can turn into a HUGE thing for cancer patients. I was this close to getting sent to the hospital the week before last. I'm so glad that didn't happen. As it was, missing a week of work is very unlike me, I don't typically get sick like that, not even the chemotized me.
So, to sum it up: we kept the dosage the same and I just hope that I'm right on this one. Hoping I'm not kicking myself later in the week, and hoping that I don't ever feel like I did a few weeks ago again.
The weather was gorgeous today, in the 60's. I got done with chemo around 1:30, stopped at Borders to pick up my new book club book "The Poisonwood Bible", spent a little time sitting in my backyard soaking up some fresh air and sunshine, took a little nap in my chair. All in all a very nice day.
Now it's back to work for the rest of the week...God willing!
We talked about lowering my dosage due to their thinking that my recent illness might have been brought on by the chemo (neutropenic fever). I told them, no, I think I just caught the same bug that everyone else in the world seems to have. Same symptoms, same recovery duration. There are sick people everywhere...I see them, I hear then coughing, sneezing, blowing their noses. I try to avoid them, but sometimes that's just impossible. I can't quarantine myself for a week, I have to go to work, they have to go to work, I have to have a life. I try to avoid sick people as much as I can, but that's impossible too...especially in the winter. Especially at work where we're all trapped for hours on end breathing the same recirculated sick air, touching the same door handles, copy machines, papers, etc.
It was just bad timing that it hit when it did, but it makes perfect sense that it would hit when my immune system was down to nothing. This is exactly what they warn you about though...the fact that something that is just a normal illness for others can turn into a HUGE thing for cancer patients. I was this close to getting sent to the hospital the week before last. I'm so glad that didn't happen. As it was, missing a week of work is very unlike me, I don't typically get sick like that, not even the chemotized me.
So, to sum it up: we kept the dosage the same and I just hope that I'm right on this one. Hoping I'm not kicking myself later in the week, and hoping that I don't ever feel like I did a few weeks ago again.
The weather was gorgeous today, in the 60's. I got done with chemo around 1:30, stopped at Borders to pick up my new book club book "The Poisonwood Bible", spent a little time sitting in my backyard soaking up some fresh air and sunshine, took a little nap in my chair. All in all a very nice day.
Now it's back to work for the rest of the week...God willing!
2 comments:
Good for you keeping going on the chemo. I bet you are right about the creeping crud you caught. My house sounds like a TB ward this week....and don't even get me started about all the sick kids at school. I bet you will do just FINE!
I have read Poisonwood bible....good book. I love her writing. Have you read "The Bean Trees' and "Pigs in Heaven"? I loved both of them. They are quick reads and some of her best writing IMHO.
Have a good week!
Deb C
I was thinking that she had some other books that would be good to read as well. I've have to check out the two you mentioned. Have you read 'Prodigal Summer'? That one looked interesting.
I think I should be fine. I don't typically have neutropenic fever with chemo. My temp is always fairly low. If I have anything over 99, there's a reason for it and I feel sick with it. So, I think soldiering on at this point is my best choice. I figure IF I get sick or start running a fever again we can rethink this strategy.
Honestly though, soooo many people have the creeping crud I think it's virtually impossible to avoid it. Even if you're well and have an immune system intact.
My mom blames it on going to Chuck E. Cheese the day before my last treatment. All those crazy kid germs everywhere. I blame it on work because they're adults here, but still don't use good hygeine. Kids have an excuse, grown people don't. My counts were high when I was at Chuck E.'s, and my counts are low when I'm at work.
That's my theory anyway. I wasn't about to miss my niece's b-day party!
Hope your TB ward clears up soon!!!
Hugs,
Kelly
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