I am really glad this week is almost over. So many appointments...I am looking forward to not having to be anywhere at any specific time, to not having my name called, not being touched or stuck with needles, looking forward to just...being.
Chemo went well yesterday. Something in the combo of pre-meds made me so extremely tired. Once I got home I slept off and on from 5:00pm until 6:00am...in my bed, then my chair, then my couch, then back to my bed.

I have narrowed it down to the pre-meds making me groggy because the feeling started before they gave me the actual chemo drug...which by the way, is reddish and looks like Hi-C or Hawaiian Punch. I was really hoping it wasn't the chemo drug, because there's no way I could function feeling that level of fatigue on a regular basis.

I felt so trapped by that chemo pole yesterday. I have felt that way before, but the feeling was really magnified yesterday by the tiredness and perhaps by the feeling of 'I really don't want to be here doing this...again...still'. I can't sleep in the chemo room like some people...it's too bright, noisy and uncomfortable. Plus, I have a needle and tube attaching me to a pole. I just really wanted to be home in my comfy chair surrounded by soft pillows and blankets.

Oh and this time I had bags of ice strapped to my ankles and wrists (with paper towels and bandages that smelled like hot dogs for some reason) to help combat the possible hand-foot syndrome side effect.

I tried getting up and walking around to wake myself up, but felt like a real weirdo with all of this stuff attached to me...and smelling like hot dogs. Going to the restroom and washing my hands was a real challenge. I might try to find some kind of more discrete, less hot doggy-smelling ice packs to take with me next time.
I am not much of a crier (for/about myself anyway), something all of my doc's are trying to change (darn them...and good luck), but I had to fight back a few tears in that restroom. Just the pure exhaustion combined with 'What the heck am I doing here...tethered to a pole with extra stuff strapped to my body...smelling like hot dogs?!!? How did my life become like this? I'd rather just be at work like a normal person.'

I didn't cry, I knew it would only make me feel worse. Plus, I had met a really neat lady (Diane) and her daughter (Kelley) who were sitting beside me...it was just her second treatment.

I wasn't even sitting there to begin with, all of my stuff was in a different place...but Diane and I started talking about head scarves and how to tie them and the best way she should tell her grandkids about her impending baldness. Come to find out, her mother worked where I work before she retired, and one of her daughters babysat for my boss. Small world!
Chemo #55/01 is done (#55 total, #1 for Doxil). I will go back in a week for bloodwork, every week actually to track my counts. Just like on Taxotere we will be watching my white blood cells (WBC) and absolute neutrophil count (ANC), the infection fighters.

So, just like before my immune system will be compromised at certain points in the chemo cycle. And like before I can't totally isolate myself, but I will be taking extra precautions especially with winter approaching and flu season upon us.
*Warning: Potential TMI Ahead*

In other health-related news, I went to my gynecologist before chemo yesterday for my annual well woman exam. I go back on Monday for a sonogram to check to see if everything is okay with the lining of my uterus.

They are checking because after not having a monthly cycle due to three years of chemo toxicity (aka chemical menopause), I had one last week. The one side effect of chemo that I actually didn't mind came back once I hadn't been on chemo for awhile.

The concern is that it might not be my cycle doing what it's supposed to do at my still fairly young age and that it might be something more serious, like uterine cancer. Once you have a female cancer, you are always at higher risk for other female cancers. So we are checking to be safe.

Sorry for the TMI-nature of all that, but hey, it's part of what's going on with me and my crazy body...so welcome to my lovely world!
A neat side story to my gyno visit: My regular doc had to leave to go deliver a baby (darn babies!), so I opted to have another doc do my exam. She and I started talking about decidedly non-gynecological things like chronic illness, religion, life and death, and Oprah's Soul Series. It was very interesting, I could have stayed and talked to her longer had she not had other patients and had I not had chemo calling my name.

Everything happens for a reason...in the midst of two things I really didn't want to do yesterday, I had meaningful interactions I could have never anticipated with people I hadn't anticipated meeting (although at this point, I should just expect these things to happen) that enriched my life and hopefully did theirs as well.