...i have a terrible memory...
...i'm a bigger wimp now than i was then...
...i'm on a higher dosage...
...it feels worse because of the blood clot/coumadin issues...
...or i don't know what...but either way, this SUCKS worse than i remember and nothing seems to help.
update: uhhh WTH? my jaw and neck are locking up. i haven't been able to eat all day cuz every time i try my jaw locks up. and it HURTS, sends shooting pains up my neck. it happened in my right lung too...also painful. and scary.
i called my doctor's office about it twice today. they didn't call me back, so totally out of character for me, i went there. i didn't insist on seeing the doctor...i didn't even mention him, i thought i'd see a nurse, or just have some blood taken. but they had dr. mck. see me. he told me in no uncertain terms that showing up without an appointment gets everyone 'all riled up' and could get me 'fired'. yeah, ok.
i felt kinda bad, but only because i hate being reprimanded. dude, i was scared. and starving. so, whatever...fire me. i was sitting at work with my body seizing up thinking the clot was moving from my chest to my brain, heart, or some other vitally important organ and that i was gonna DIE. i think that's worthy of riling a few people up. but hey...it's just MY life and ME who is in pain, so i am admittedly a bit biased.
so, moving on...we chat, he pokes and prods, and is very thorough and helpful as usual. but as usual, no answers. i think it's the clot, he doesn't. but he doesn't know what it is (maybe 2 years of chemo?). he gave me a prescription for gabapentin and ordered a magnesium and thyroid test to be taken this wednesday along with my regular bloodwork.
bottom line (in my non-expert opinion): my body is all kinds of jacked up from all the stuff it's been thru for the past two years. while having a break for a bit was muy bueno, having chemo again last wednesday slammed it hard...along with the clot/coumadin/lovenox.
my body and mind have proven that they can adapt to quite a bit, so hopefully they'll adapt to this latest onslaught of BS. but i'm telling you, it's freakin' exhausting.
Maybe the sun will shine today
The clouds will roll away
Maybe I won’t be so afraid
I will understand everything has its plan
Either way
Either Way - Wilco
The clouds will roll away
Maybe I won’t be so afraid
I will understand everything has its plan
Either way
Either Way - Wilco
3 comments:
Well crap.....no matter how you slice it chemo just sucks! Wish I had so good ideas for you. Insted I'll send you some hugs
(((((((K)))))))
Deb C
Hey Girl-
We make quite a pair this week! I was beginning to wonder if you really COULD shit your brains out!!
I have had referred pain in my shoulders from getting my jaw all jacked out of place from grinding my teeth…..wonder if this could be something similar? My doc said that stress making me clench my teeth and causing all the pain. I took valium for about 3 days and it really got a lot better…..don’t know if that helps or not….
Do you remember the really old Snoopy cartoons where the different parts of his body all start speaking up? His mind wants to go jogging, but his legs don’t, so they get in a fight? I sometime wonder if my different body parts want to know what the hell I am doing! Maybe your jaw has just HAD it!
And what is your doc thinking about? Firing YOU? Because you needed help??? Ohhhhh, that makes me mad! I have 24-hour access to someone. I even have the home number and address of one of my long-term chemo nurses if I can’t reach the doc. I think it is wrong for them to scold you…..idiots!
I hope you can find some good milkshake makings in your freezer. You can squeeze a straw in your mouth and maybe the cold would feel good. Hang in there!
Hugs
Deb C
sizzzzzzzllllleeeeee grrrrrrrrr! me 2!!! amen to the above!! what in the WORLD!!! you should have 27/8 access to ANY kind of help!!! (*&*(^&%$doctors!!! Kel, in my opnion you should NEVER hesitate to ask for help!!! you did the right thing!!! humpf! maybe that office ignoring you (a patient that pays their bills!!!)could get them in trouble with somebody .... i dunno who... but SOMEbody!!!! argh!! love you!!
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