Limitless

- I had a wonderful weekend. As you saw in the photos below, I spent a lot of time in my swing enjoying the lovely weather.

- I went to a surprise 40th birthday party for Tracy on Saturday night. It was nice to hang out with my family and also Tracy's in-laws and friends.

- Went to Kori & Becky's Sunday for dinner, a chimenea fire/roasted marshmallows, to watch Izabella just being her cute 2.5 year old self, watch True Blood, and eat some awesome oatmeal raisin cookies.

- Terri was in KC on Monday with Jami to check out William Jewell's campus, so I got to see them, along with Wesley for about an hour before they headed home.

- Sean is back in town, but not for a good reason. I got to spend time with him and his family last night (see below for more).

- Had bone scan yesterday. No results yet. I will probably get those next week along with my CT and tumor marker results when I see Dr. McK. on Tuesday.

- PT/INR is too high...3.6.

- No biggy though...we had bumped my dosage up on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for the past few weeks before, during and after both the lung drain and the port surgery.

- I'm sure we'll just bump it back down on those days and hopefully that'll get me back in normal range.

- In the meantime, pray that clutzy me doesn't injure myself and bleed to death!

- My counts are still low and I am still neutropenic, as to be expected...but they are on the rise and should be fine by chemo time next week.

- For those keeping track, here are the important numbers:

WBC (Normal Range: 4.0-10.5)

10/01/08 - 7.4

10/08/08 - 1.9

10/15/08 - 3.1

ANC (Normal Range: 1.8-7.8)

10/01/08 - 6.6

10/08/08 - 1.0

10/15/08 - 1.2

Unfortunately, Sean's Mom (Glenda) is not doing well. She has leukemia. She had a bone marrow transplant earlier this year. It worked for awhile, but it's no longer working. They have brought her home from the hospital and are trying to keep her as comfortable as possible.

It is very sad. I have known Sean and his family for 20 years. Glenda is an amazing woman, she always made me feel welcome in their home and fed me innumerable times over the years.

Her loving husband (Joe), children, and grandchildren are all there keeping vigil by her side. I was very hesitant to go over at such an intimate, painful time. Sean assured me it was okay, and it was.

I am so glad I went. They have a big, loud Catholic family...their door is always open, people are constantly coming and going. Glenda didn't want that to change because of her illness, and it hasn't. She is surrounded by the sounds of her family, the sounds of life.

More family are coming in today, Amanda (Sean's girlfriend) is coming in tomorrow. I will go back again once they all get here and get settled. I don't want to intrude, I don't want to disrespect Glenda or Joe...or anyone else for that matter.

I am very grateful that the last time I went to their home Glenda and I got to talk alone for about 30 minutes. No one else really gets what we go through (not that my struggle or journey has been anything like hers), so it was good to talk to someone who also knows the gamut of emotions that come along with chronic/terminal illness.

We talked about how much we both hate the limits that have been imposed upon us; about the many losses we have endured; how much we miss the things we can no longer do (going on long walks, enjoying food); how infuriating it is to have your choices and options removed; how lonely and scary all of this can be; how our friends and family are such a blessing, but how there's no way they can really understand all of this...and how we don't want them to since there's only one way you could comprehend it.

She felt bad for me and my parents because of my age...she had those 20+ cancer-free years that I haven't/won't have; I am her childrens' age, and like any good mother she couldn't imagine having to watch any of her children go through this.

I felt bad for her because she could no longer walk and was in a wheelchair. At least I can still work full time (sort of), walk (slowly), and drive myself places. I still have some freedom and independence...I felt a bit guilty about that.

Last night, several people told me how much that conversation meant to Glenda. I will always cherish that conversation as well as many wonderful memories of card games, Trivial Pursuit, popcorn, Christmas Eve, Red Bridge, the beautiful flowers I received after my mastectomy in 2000.

Godspeed, Glenda.

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top,
then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs,

then shall you truly dance.

The Prophet - Chapter 27
-Khalil Gibran